When I want Jesus Most

Nobody likes a gloomy person, so after the weekend, I decided that when a customer asked, I was "okay" and no longer "not having the best day." I wasn't on the verge of tears anymore, but the effects of last week's events along with the new things that popped up at school on Monday or hit me on Monday were trailing along with everything else.

Last night as I was driving "John," my new Christian friend home after our home group with other believers, he told me that I seemed really frustrated. It wasn't until then that I realized that I was still pulling all of my problems along with me.

This morning I decided to skip my classes for today. After informing my teachers, I went back to sleep, woke up around 10am, got dressed, ate and went for a drive. Commonly, when I am upset about something, I will drive on the backroads toward Buckley until 410 and I will drive into Bonney Lake ending up at the Starbucks there. Today was no different. I ordered a Tall Decaf Pumpkin Spice Latte and sat down. I wrote out my heart on everything that was going on and seven and a half pages later, my prayers to God didn't seem to help much. I bought a Molassas cookie on my way out the door and as I drove back the way I came, I found myself praying something remeniscent of the night before classes. "I want you Jesus. I want you. I want you." Over and over again aloud or just in my heart. My frustration had only increased in my prayers. I didn't want to deal with them anymore. I just wanted my Jesus. I wanted Him.

I got home shortly thereafter dissapointed that skipping classes had left me in the same place I was to begin with...except more frustrated and wanting nothing else than my Lord...not a very practical or effective use of time. However, Mom invited me to go and pick up Connor and Kaelyn from school (my little brother and sister). While she was getting Connor, I stayed in the car and listened to music. A song by Jars of Clay came on. It spoke my heart completely and reminded me of all I knew about getting through hard times. Incase you are unfamiliar with The Valley Song, the lyrics are below.

Jars Of Clay - The Valley Song

You have led me to the sadness
I have carried this pain
On a back bruised, nearly broken
I'm crying out to You

Chorus
I will sing of Your mercy
That leads me through valleys of sorrow
To rivers of joy

When death like a gypsy
Comes to steal what I love
I will still look to the heavens
I will still seek your face

But I fear you aren't listening
Because there are no words
Just the stillness and the hunger
For a faith that assures

I will sing of Your mercy
That leads me through valleys of sorrow
To rivers of joy

Alleluia, alleluia
Alleluia, alleluia

While we wait for rescue
With our eyes tightly shut
Face to the ground using our hands
To cover the fatal cut

Though the pain is an ocean
Tossing us around, around, around
You have calmed greater waters
Higher mountains have come down

What it really comes down to is taht God led me here. He is good. He is with me. He is in charge. I started thinking of how much Jesus did for me on the cross and as always, my heart was softened in the midst of my own frustration and pain. I also remembered that I was told to love my enemies and I started praying for those at the forefront of my problems. I prayed for their prosperity and happiness and for God to take care of them as he takes care of me. It was really freeing. Instead of focusing on the problems, but looking at Jesus and seeking the best for those that hate or cause problems for me changed it all.

May God bring you to places when you want Jesus most and may He give you a "Valley Song" of your own when it feels like you can't go on!