Quotes I've appreciated lately

"But quickly I saw that the danger of superficiality is cearly as perilous as the danger of excess, perhaps more so. In my concern over falling off the deep end, I realized that I just might fall off the shallow end. My desire to maintain religious respectability could easily result in a domesticated faith. I knew that I dare not let this happen. I must be willing to step out even if the waters look deep."

Richard Foster
"Prayer: Finding the Heart's True Home"
Page 235


"There is not in the world a kind of life more sweet and delightful than that of a continual conversation with God. Those only can comprehend it who practice and experience it; yet I do not advise you do it from that motive. It is not pleasure which we ought to seek in this exercise; but it us do it form a principle of love, and because God would have us."

Brother Lawrence
"The Practice of the Presence of God"

Don't Get Comfortable

It is the golden hour. The sun is starting to set and is traveling along to tops of buildings, teasing those who hunger for its warmth on their backs and faces. And I can see the sunlight rest upon the edge of my balcony.

I've already listened to Brandon Heath's song "Don't get comfortable" three times and it never seems long enough. Like those people craving the sun, I crave the truth in Brandon Heath's song to seep in and warm my soul.

Today wasn't lonely so much as a little heavy in contemplation. I find myself pressing into Jesus like a new wife to her husband--holding him close, so excited about the future and the life the two will share. Sometimes, though, as I try to please my eternal love, I grow impatient with myself and nervous about my ability to be who God wants me to be.

But the song meets me and calms me. I listen and I remember God is working in and through all things for my good and more importantly, working all things for his glory. I remember that each breath is a miracle and each realization of need for growth is a miracle and God gifts me again and again as HE moves me into the life HE planned for me.

I'm from...

I'm from "Brute-force and Ignorance,"
Mom's home daycare,
Lagging for pennies,
Walks to the locks,
Trips down the granny aisle at the second hand shop,
Giggles with cousins,
The smell of books
And learning such facts as how Washington's teeth looked.

I'm from popcorn by handfuls shoved into the mouth,
Operas and plays with Ganny sometimes,
But mostly from MASH, Star Trek, Disney,
And tents midst the trees,
And church on Easter
And striving to please.

I'm from courtesy, intelligence, laughing a lot
But also from kindess toward strangers and hard work.

A Dangerously Good Friend

Tonight a friend and I spoke on the phone. After sharing our lives and thinking things through for nearly two hours, I realized what a gift it is to have deep friendships.

It is the people we are afraid to talk to because we know they will lovingly draw us out, the people who are trustworthy when no one else is, and the people who are amazingly beautiful inside that we need to open our hearts to. We need to make sure Christ is where we find satisfaction when we go into community or seek others out and not in friendships and relationships themselves. At the same time, we must enjoy and make the most of the fact that God created us for community.

It is a decision to make—choosing deep friendships—but one that will serve you well. There will always be different purposes behind and kinds of friendships. Recognizing this is good, but reader, I beg of you don't miss out on this kind. Seek a very small number of dangerously good friendships with the people God has place in your life to cultivate growth in you and to receive from. Find ways to give to those people as well, but not out of obligation, rather out of the love of who that person is.

This is the start of community--the church. If loving God and accepting his love is a frightfully good choice, wouldn't it make sense that loving one another and accepting one another's love would be just as hard?



As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens another.
Proverbs 27:17

One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?" "The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."
Mark 12:28-31

Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another.
Hebrews 10:25

Very Pregnant and Scared

I had a dream last night that I was pregnant and just about to give birth. Me in my very pregnant state decided that I was scared of the pain and just didn’t want to have the baby, not like I wanted to abort it, but like I was out-of-my-mind-scared of the pain of childbirth.

Today I sent out the invites for a group to meet on campus and read the Bible aloud—together. I’ve been full of excuses for weeks. I’m scared to lead. I haven’t really led much of anything for about four years. I was still in high school. I broke my Facebook fast to invite 14 people, half of which I hope won’t show up because I don’t have seats for them.

I guess having a baby is kind of like starting a small group, or moving to Alaska for the summer to live and work with strangers. The pain in the process and the lack of experience scares me and I don’t know if people will show up or what it will be like or if they will stay. What I do know is that I’m in a place I can’t back out and when the birth-pains come, I won’t be alone.



“…Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Joshua 1:9

“Do not be afraid… I am your shield, your very great reward.”
Exodus 15:1b

A Confession

Last week I learned about Thomas DeQuincy's "Confessions of an English Opium Eater" in one of my classes. One of my assignments was to rename his essay. I decided it wasn't much of a confession--no contrition, no regret in his account of the things he had done. The following comes with a contrite spirit and a little bit of a defense of myself. I know I'm accountable for my actions, but hope that the whys might bring a little understanding. Regardless, the Lord's patience and forgiveness cover me and I can rejoice in that because I am free.

For the past year, I've visited a place called The INN on a weekly basis. I had a crazy hard year all the while, felt pretty insecure about coming into a new community as a former Bible College student and really wanting to be respected and able to make use of my talents and giftings. The desire to be used and the insecurity along with the fact that I could do very little about the chaos I experienced every time I walked though the door of my apartment put me in a peculiar place. The Lord told me to confront someone at the INN, I did and didn't stop there. I took my concern for the INN and brought it to a whole new level of criticism--the kind that doesn't please the Lord--non-constructive, judgemental prayer and talk with others. I dragged the name of this precious ministry through the mud for the sake of feeling like I had a degree of control over my life because I wasn't strong enough to constantly battle the wars in my apartment.

I was freed of my apartment and the situation I had created at the INN when I moved to Alaska for the summer to work. I became stronger. I saw the beauty of the Lord. I had a lot of time to be and not do. I came to myself. Then, I came back.

I walked in the door of the INN three weeks ago, standing tall, confident and ready to love that ministry. I'm having a Bible study on the side, pursuing a place on the Student Support Team, signing up for Fall Retreat, thinking about helping with the monthly worship night and looking for ways to lift her up, belong.

I'm a little older than a lot of the students--six years older than the Freshmen, but still feel this is where I belong. Why? For my own maturity? For the connections with others? For the INN itself? I don't know how much they will let me give, but I'll stand where the Lord lets me and do what he has asked of me.

And now, may the Father of all creation bring you into a maturity and greater intimacy with Christ as you go through your struggles in this life.




Update: At the retreat I mentioned before, the Lord told me it was time to go. When I wrote this, I was excited about The INN. I think the Lord knew I needed to be excited about it before I could leave and leave well. I'm in another good place now.

With Your First Love

Sometimes a gentle, warm, contentedness creeps up on me. Over the years, I’ve come to associate it with the Lord’s nearness.

I feel closest to the Lord when I’m driving. Like old men going fishing because they simply need that quiet, quality time with a close friend, sometimes I go driving with Jesus. It doesn’t matter if we catch any fish or go anywhere exciting together—it just matters that we are together.

A lot of people downplay the importance of feelings in Christianity. I, on the otherhand, don’t think there is enough emphasis on feelings. What was that verse about returning to our first love referring to? Did it mean loving Jesus with a methodical, routine, love so focused on commitment that it forgot to be in love? It was talking about the first time you fell. Remember just wanting to be with him or her? Remember wanting to memorize your love’s eyes, smell? The covenant-love brings such a safety, but it is the first love we are to return to again and again.

Get caught up the in the emotions. Run through the fields with Him. Make dinner with your love. Go exploring the city with Him by your side. He just wants to be—with you.

The Best Defense is No Defense

Thursday night, I was hanging out with a couple of girls that, like me, are in Juneau just for the summer. We found ourselves in the Waffle Company: blue walls, wood floors and furniture, even crab shells acting almost as a border above the windows. The value of the Waffle Co. is the view of Auke Bay, the amazing waffles, and the presence of Christ in the place. Aside from the churches, no building in Juneau seems to have peace and warmth compared to here.

After talking, eating and sharing a bit, we opened up the Bible and were deciding where to read. As I flipped through Mark, the Lord led me to a section entitled “Prophet without Honor.” So we read it, re-read it and started making observations. The passage was about Jesus going to His hometown, speaking the words His Father had given Him and doing miracles. In light of the fact that the three of us were away from home and growing, we knew returning home at the end of the summer would have its definite challenges and it made a bit of sense why the Lord would bring us to this passage in particular.

As we read, we found Jesus’ family and friends acknowledge that Jesus was saying great and wise things as well as doing the miraculous. However, they mostly made comments to the effect of, "Isn't this the carpenter?" or "Don't we know his sisters?" They made Him like themselves. They saw what He was now doing as something that wasn't his identity. In their minds, He didn't have a right to be the Christ, even though that is exactly what He was. The thing that really struck Hailey, Jaclyn and me was that Jesus didn't try to defend His actions. He did what His Father had for him and He was who He was. Even now, I’m remembering instance after instance when God's character is not explained. He chose rather, to simply be “I am.” God didn't tell Moses His name was, "I do and defend my actions," but rather "I am."

When we grow and find ourselves in the company of others unfamiliar with the growth, but very familiar with our old ways, we might do well to acknowledge that they are not comfortable with the changes, but simply be who God is making us without defense. There are times to explain Christ as in us and other times simply to let Him come through. Are there places in your life where you feel the need to defend Jesus in you?