Satisfaction

Over the past few days, I've experienced COMPLETE satisfaction. I had no idea it could be like this. I don't know if it will continue or if it is just for a season, but the love of Jesus has filled me up to overflowing and I long to share it with everyone I know more than ever before. It is beautiful. It is in submitting to His considerate, deep and precious authority and love. It is in pouring out my fears and joys before Him and trusting Him with them. It is in pressing into Him and finding that I don't want to ever leave His presence! How sweet is it to be caught up in the arms of the Savior!!

For a couple years now, I've talked about my walk with Christ being largely focused on learning to seek satisfaction in nothing, but Jesus. I knew to a degree what it meant to be satisfied by Him, but I wonder if this is some kind of special birthday gift that I never want to disappear. I think God started to teach me about this when I was staying at the church in London. We walked into a church that smelled like mold, was far from being in perfect condition, had rooms without daylight and had two sets of doors, one to lock people from the street out of the church. We couldn't use public transportation and unless God was leading, weren't encouraged to tell people about Jesus for the safety of our group in light of the largely Islamic neigborhood in which we were staying because of the bombings in the previous weeks. I felt caged in. I went back to my sleeping bag and recall fighting back tears before I poured my heart out to God, asked for His help. It wasn't until I started thinking on the work of Jesus on the cross, did I feel better. My then greatest fear of my soul before the all knowing eyes of God had been taken care of by the purifying transformation work Jesus did on the cross!! The contemplation of such costly things cared for by God and the fact that I was serving God and all that could keep Him from the world was me gave me a new joy in the midst of challenging conditions.

I knew that Jesus was the source of my satisfaction and joy, but this is bigger and somehow covers over more. I don't know how to describe it. May you be blessed with the same satisfaction found in loving Jesus that I am now experiencing and may it overflow to others in your life!

Amy and Poetry

Dear Friends,

In the event that you weren't aware, from time to time I write poetry or liturgical prayers. The two previous posts are the results of that mood I fall into every once in a while. They are from last year sometime. I don't remember exactally when I wrote them. I hope you enjoy them.

Amy

In the Storm

Thunder resounds and lightning flashes, filling hearts with dread
Rain from the heavens beats down on the defeated and
An eerie darkness by the name of Fear shadows over all

Something wild and strange
Something powerful
Something so expressive and dangerous and depraved

The storm is wildly all around me and inside me, but I am not like the rest…anymore.
The Lord understood my tempest.
He saw my defeat and hopelessness,
But He caught me up in His joy and in His peace,
He took me into His arms to be my love and to teach me how to be His love
In the midst of the storm.

We do not hide.
Together my Lord and I stand gazing into the sky.
We feel the rain fall on our faces.
His nearness through the storm fills me with purpose and strength
No longer does the tempest deprive me of all that is good.

Now I am the one to be feared
Because my Lord is my joy and peace.
Now I am the one to be feared
As I stand tall and have a world changing hope about me.
Now I am the one to be feared
As I bring joy and peace to the beat down and defeated.
Now I am the one to be feared
Because Fear has no power over me…anymore.


Romans 6:11-14, 8:1, 8:29-39, 15:13, Zephaniah 3:17, John 14:27, John 15:1-17,
Ephesians 6:10-13, Acts 4:20, 2 Corinthians 5:14-21

Hard Times Liturgy

Lord,

You are all-powerful
You are all-knowing
You are ever-present
You are King of the world and of my heart,
Though a rebellious subject I am.
Still, you are gentle with me
And strong, patient, faithful, considerate
And loving above all else.

I am more precious to you
Than all of the birds, trees, animals, fish and flowers
because I was the crowning part of creation.
I was made to be like you in special and wonderful ways

I don't understand why it sometimes hurts to be me.
Still, I praise you for making me all that you did.

I don't understand why it sometimes hurts living my life .
Still, I praise you for allowing the difficult times.

I don't understand why it sometimes hurts...
And you slip into my presence and strongly support me.
I stand tall only by the power of my King,
Who stands beside me, lending me his strength.
You bring all that I need to go on
and you rejoice with me over OUR victory over who I am and what I went through!

I praise you for you are King of the world and my heart!

Amen!

Lessons from an early church believer

A man was in a river being baptized by one of the early church leaders and after having been identified with Christ, it was now time to walk out of the river. When asked why he wasn't walking out, he calmly told them that he couldn't because the church leader had nailed his foot to the riverbed with his staff. He was under the impression that the staff through his foot was a part of the ritual of baptism and despite the pain, he chose to follow Christ.

Some might say, "Well, I don't have pain to take on for Jesus' sake in my own daily life." In that case I'd have to ask about their family experiencing the ruthless love of Jesus in their lives (this one is hard for me). I'd ask if they have ever had to not splurge because they had spent their extra money to get food for the hungry homeless person sitting in front of the grocery store. I'd ask if they've ever risked humiliation and friendships for the sake of sharing the gospel in a gentle and loving way.

The strange thing is that the Bible tells us to care for the poor, tell others about Jesus and love people like crazy. However, we do it within our comfort zone. Oh, Heaven forbid that God would desire us be obedient to the point of pain!

Well, He was obedient to death. That prayer in the garden before he was arrested is described with a sweat of blood. If that doesn't speak of discomfort, I don't know what does and that wasn't even the task yet!

Philippians 2:1-11
"Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus EVERY KNEE WILL BOW, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."


Hebrews 12:4
"You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin..."

A first for everything

Today I experienced something new. I didn't feel like being an amazing customer service person for the first time. Actually, at work today, I felt just plain burnt out on helping people. I felt like the first part of my shift was about me continually being pulled from one task or person to the next and it seemed like I was going a hundred miles an hour on top of that. I started to feel overwhelmed. I so wanted an excuse to withdraw from people. I was given "Go-Backs" (the stuff people realized they don't want to buy while going through check-out). I'm not sure I've ever been so grateful for them! I was still taking care of people off and on, but I was able to do it just the same.

I've been struggling with the idea of what to do when I get worn out lately and this was such an example. I don't remember praying for anything except for a hug. Why didn't I pour out my heart to God? So strange!

This morning I read about Jesus and the feeding of the five thousand (men, but women and children were there too). After everything, he went off by himself to pray really spent a good chunk of time doing so. After a long day of taking care of people, I plopped down infront of the TV and stayed there.

Pray for me. I'm not sure what is reasonably spiritual progress for me and what is perfectionistic and therefore leading to guilt. Pray for a conviction to a reasonable amount of change and the will to choose it instead of Hallmark movies and Crossing Jordan.